A · Glimpse · of · Hope

1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions. (Because cheaters never prosper) 

1. Why are frogs falling from the sky? 
2. He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!
3. Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may. 
4. Fifty pounds! A very worthy sum on a very worthy question. Can a play show us the very truth and nature of love? I bear witness to the wager, and will be the judge of it as occasion arises. I have not seen anything to settle it yet.
5. Head up young person.
6. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones. 
7. When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
8. It's just black people demeaning other black people, using that word over and over. You ever hear white people callin' each other "honky" all the time? "Hey, honky, how's work?" "Not bad, cracker, we're diversifying!"
9. If I have to hear "Yamo Be There" one more time, I'm going to "Yamo" burn this place to the ground.
10. Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say. 
"Always look on the bright side of life"? 
No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

I put my two weeks in with Wendy Krispin Catering. The '$14/hr with full benefits' wasn't good enough for me to stay. 

It's all complete bullshit. Things change every freakin day, whether it be food, the way we ring people up, prices, everything. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't the only one keeping the fucking stores clean. And every morning when I walk in the door, nothing has been done and I am automatically 2 hours behind. 

I wrote Wendy an email. On top of all of that, I didn't know what my job description was. I was hired on as a 'manager'. But, again, like with Javalato, I wasn't really a manager. I asked where my authority lied, and she said 'you have no authority'....SO THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE ME ON AS A MANAGER, WITH MANAGER PAY AND EVERYTHING AND THEN TELL ME I'M NOT?

I told her when she hired me that I do theatre at night, and so therefore, I would not be able to open, or close once my show starts. And now, after a month of working for her, she says 'Oh, well, if you can't do that, then you'll only be getting about 20 hours a week'. So to that I said, 'Well, then can I put in my two weeks?' and she said 'yes'.

Fuck this company. She doesn't know what she's doing, plus NO ONE that works for her likes her....no one. She constantly puts people down and makes everyone below her feel worthless. Arg! I'll be glad when I don't have to work here.

And so we start again with the damn job hunt. You know, I'm really sick of looking at Craigslist.

So I've been looking on my myspace, livejournal, and facebook for my last 'new years resolution' entries from last year and it seems that I never made resolutions....

Maybe that explains why I didn't get anything accomplished this year?

That's not true...I did get paid for theatre...that was one...and I did, and do. :)
Haven't stopped biting my nails
Haven't moved out
Haven't been in a sucessful relationship....ever.
Still don't balance my friends well
Haven't stopped smoking...in fact, I'm pretty sure I smoke more now than ever...but oh well.

So....maybe I'll try to get those things accomplished.

I would like to be in a relationship, but I've never been the kind of girl who is always in one, like most girls I know. And on top of that, it just kinda sucks because everyone from highschool is married, or engaged...and not that I want that yet, but I'd like to have someone to come home to, someone to call to tell the exciting, or bad, news to...someone who loves me for who I am.

David and I were just plain wrong for eachother. I'm so glad I finally opened my eyes to that. Granted, I don't really know how it would have all gone down if I hadn't gone to Granbury and met Kevin and just cut myself out of the DFW metroplex. If I hadn't had Kevin stealing my attention 24/7, then I'm not sure I would have gotten over David so easily, and I probably would have left Granbury a lot sooner. 

Things that happened this year:
David and I almost moved in together, but instead, we broke up.
I lived in Granbury for 2 months and was hated by the directors and producers of the company from day 1....maybe it was Karlei, they didn't like her either. And I think the only reason I was there so long was because of Kevin...granted, he blew me off too, so I really don't know why they let me stay there so long. God, that was the worst experience of my life.
I came back from Granbury and got a job with Risk Theatre, and was planning on working for them longer, but they blew me off too....I did the festival show and they said they wanted me to SM for them throughout the season, and then nothing. Now noone talks to me. What am I doing wrong?? I know I'm a good SM, people tell me that all the time, but why do companies not like me?
After Blue Room with Risk, I got a job with Inevitable Theatre Company, a new company here in Dallas, and did DOG SEES GOD with them. Robert, the artistic director and producer of the company LOVES me. He said he wants to work with me as much as possible. And the show is over and he still says that...so maybe it's not me...maybe it's them.
DOG SEES GOD ended last weekend. I LOVE the cast and I loved the experience as a whole. It was the best. 
I've made some new friends this year. Granbury folk, whom I wish I kept in touch with, but I just don't know if they actually liked me or if they were just putting up with me like everyone else was there....but I really thought that Meredith, Steven, and Bethany were people who I would be friends with after....especially Mere...we had lots in common. Kent and I still talk...but that's because he was a tech like me, he knew everything that went on when I was there and he was witness to all of my tears and screams and everything. God, I love Kent. I wish he was closer. 
I worked with some great people with Risk as well, but they also don't really talk to me. I ran into the director last week and he was the same as he always was...nice, but it seemed like more of a cover. I just can't trust people. I always think they are just being nice to me because I'm standing in front of them and they have to, when really, they'd rather not talk to me because it's awkward and not sincere.
Dog Sees God folks are wonderful. I know I am walking away with a whole family of friends. Chelsie and Lindsay...those two girls are PRECIOUS! They are like my little sisters. I love them. Jared, James, Amanda, Taylor, Steph, Natalie, and Drew are all people who I know will honestly enjoy my company whenever I see them. They won't just talk to me because they have to.
Love-wise my life has been a rollercoaster. Going from David to Kevin, then to Duane. Duane and I never dated, but he is the one person in the world who I am myself around. I can be completely dumb around him and it's ok. I'm completely comfortable around him, always. He is more than a friend, or at least I would love it if we could be more than friends. I've liked him for years, and now he's going through his divorce and all I want is to hold him and be with him, but I don't want to push him. He's been on a couple dates with other girls, but nothing has really worked out...I just have to find a way to convince him that we are perfect. I'm making this sound like I'm in highschool, but really...when you get that feeling in your stomach every time you see this one person, and when you can talk about ANYTHING with them, and you enjoy eachother's company more than anyone else, it just makes sense! And me being the stupid girl I am, I still have hope that one day he'll turn around and say 'you're the one'. I believe that with my whole heart. And it may not happen. But there's always hope. We just fit. We mesh like no one I know, and things just work with him. He's my best friend, and I'm totally in love with him. I've come to the conclusion that I will always be in love with him. It'll never go away. 

Enough of that....my apologies.

I'm really trying to not expect too much, in general. I get disappointed way too easily. It kinda sucks though because instead of getting excited over stuff, I usually don't let myself until whatever 'it' is actually happens. I think it's making me more and more bitter. It's kinda bad because I think I'm not allowing myself to be happy. All I have is hope and expectation, and that doesn't get you very far in life. But there's really nothing I can do. I just can't stand being disappointed all the time. Going from the high of excitment to the low of disappointment is a trip my heart doesn't need to take all the time. I just don't want to become a bitter, cold old woman who sits with her cats and doesn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. But as it stands now, I get trampled because I ALWAYS give people the benefit of the doubt. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is, my goal for 2008 is the be happy. I want to trust people and have close friends and be able to invest in those friends, but everything in life is only for a short time. So I guess take advantage of the time you have with people and when it's gone, let it go and move on. People aren't going to make you happy, only you can.

And I totally believe that, but at the same time, I'm nothing without my friends. Some friendships grow stronger while others wither, and it's a constant fight. 

If I can move out, make enough money, do theatre, and have a boyfriend by my birthday, then I'll be happy. I think the only hard part of that is the boyfriend. But I've never had a boyfriend for my birthday, or Valentine's Day (two days after my bday)....ever. I mean, I had David year before last, but he didn't get me a birthday present, let alone a Valentine's present. 

I just wanna be loved by a guy who likes me for who I am. I just want the chance.

I have a new car, a new job that will start soon, I'm planning on moving out and living with Jared, a guy from DOG SEES GOD, and I already have a show booked that goes up in March. So 2008 is looking pretty good from here. Hopefully everything will pan out like expected. Damn the expectations.


OMG. Seriously, I'm done now. I really am sorry for this long long post...

Thanks for listening....or reading, ya know. :)

So...hey there everyone...umm..been a while...I think my last entry was last february....as in 2006. Crazy.

There are too many blog sites....I myself have 3. It's kinda sad. I never thought I would, but I didn't want to delete my livejournal because I can still look back at highschool entries, and other people's highschool entries...and that is AWESOME. What a trip highschool was. Who knew we'd be here today?

And now I find out that THIS is where Sarah Garrison has been updating people on her life....mwah hahaha. I found it!
 
Livejournal hasn't changed that much. It takes me back.

So the last month or so has been horrible. Once I got fired from Napoli's, it's been a rollercoaster. I got fired the week before my birthday, so needless to say, it's been tight. But David is amazing and still took me out.
We went out with Ted and Sarah and Stacey and the boys, Jackson and Roman, and it was the cutest thing ever. I just loved watching those two 13 and 14 month old boys running around playing with eachother and discovering new things at Olive Garden. They were just adorable. Congrats to the two couples on raising such cute and fun little boys! I can't wait to see them grow up! But yeah, they totally made my night.
Well that and the fact that my boyfriend is amazing, I just had an awesome night. I had that week totally planned. Plays, Movies, and good times spent with friends I haven't seen in forever, all planned out. And only a few things actually happened that I wanted, but it was still wonderful.
Valentine's Day was fun. At first David and I were going to just celebrate everything together (my birthday, valentine's day, and our 6 months, all fell within one week, poor guy. But since we were so tight on money, we just celebrated it all on one night. We were going to celebrate it on a Friday night, but that fell through and so we celebrated on tuesday, the 21st. He took me to the Melting Pot and our check was $105, and then he gave me a very sweet anniversary card. I never thought that someone could be so sweet. He's just been amazing, some of the things that he tells me, like normal 'you're beautiful, amazing, etc.' but then he'll turn around and say something like 'sometimes my hands miss touching you'. And the other day he was laying with his head on my stomach listening to the various digesting sounds and stuff. He found it so cool. Then I thought 'hey if he's this excited over my stomach now, imagine when I'm pregnant'...then I told him that, and he said 'yeah that's what I was going for', and then put hius head right back and smiled. Of course! There will be no children until we are ready for them, out of school, etc...but still, it was really cute. He's just awesome. I couldn't have asked for anyone better.
Over the last month though, money has been tight, and David and I have had to postpone the moving date. I'm thinking early June now. Now that I have another job, (I work at Ruby Tuesday's b/t Central and Forest Ridge), and I start training on Thursday, I can see it again. For a while there, our future wasn't looking too bright and the brightness was not close. We new that if I didn't get a new job pretty much immediately then we would have to push it back, but now it's just discouraging. But now we're back on the path towards having our own place. We have to look at apartments again because the ones we liked in Euless off Hwy 10 turned out to be bad. Apparantly they have shootings there all the time, so yeah, we won't be living there. But now that I work somewhere closer to everything, then we can look around the bedford/euless area, and even Arlington is a possibility. I'm sure there's a Ruby Tuesday's out there somewhere. Hmm...I'll have to look that up.
So here we are, on our way again, and I couldn't be happier. The last 6 months have been amazing, and I feel like I can handle anything. So wish us luck! Hopefully we'll be able to have most of you to our new apartment in June! Hope all is well with everyone else.

~Love~

Oh yeah, and I HAVE THE RENT DVD! I ordered it about 3 weeks ago before it was out through Sony so I got it the other day! It's amazing and I continuously cry. Now I just need to see the play!

I hate being away from him. Even for a day, or even a couple hours.

Is that bad? I mean, we see eachother every day and spend hours together, and yet both of us cannot get enough of the other person. Today was horrible, I was only able to see him for about an hour and that was it. I hate having to stay home on Mondays, or any day for that matter. I just don't see the point if my mom gets home at 8, we eat, and then watch tv or something till she falls asleep on the couch around 10. Why do I have to stay at home for that? There's no point. I'd rather spend time with her during the day where we can do something, get it done, and then I can go out at night while she sleeps.

I cannot wait to get out. David and I are going to move out around May or so, get our own place and my life will actually be good then. No parents, just life. The life I've been waiting for is finally approaching. I've been looking at apartments in Euless and Bedford so that we can stay at our jobs and go to school at UTA in the fall. Sure we'll have to budget and we're not getting a place that's over $600/mo, so that should be good. But see, once we live together, we won't be wasting gas to see the other person, and we'll be together. I cannot wait to wake up in his arms every day. I'm sick of this 'you gotta get your sleep' thing and the 'you're grounded because you were late coming home and we didn't know where you were' thing. It just gets old after you're in your early 20s.

I definetly didn't see myself at 22 living at home. In fact, a lot of things in life went totally different than I had expected.

But life is good, my boyfriend is AMAZING, and soon enough, my real life will begin.

I had to change it up a bit. I've had this thing for 5 years now, and as much as I would love to just delete it and start again, it would be hard to just delete a journal I've been writing in for so long. Granted there have been some periods of time where I never write (like now) but for the sake of the times when I do, I have to keep it.

So here's the new look, hope you enjoy.

~Mags

Oh, and Monday's are my nights home, hence the boredom. I haven't seen my baby for more than an hour today, and I still have at least 3 hours to kill before I can think about sleep.

I've never been here before. I've never wanted to tell someone I love them. Not in this case, at least.

It's just amazing to me. I've never honestly and truly been in a real substantial relationship like this. We're going on three months of dating. He's not my boyfriend, but I don't want to be with anyone else. Every time I see a guy I think, 'well, david has this quality, etc'.

I've never been able to just be myself with someone, whether that's in public, or in private. I'm always thinking 'what will he think if I do this?'. With David, it's different. I can just be relaxed and crazy and weird, and he still adores me. I can just grab his hand randomly, or just walk up to him and kiss him out of the blue, and he's all for it. He'll smile and look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes.

Last night we celebrated his birthday, even though his birthday was over a week ago. I bought some candles from Wal Mart, 'Velvet Rose'. They were amazing. I just love laying in his arms with no worries and no walls up. Just relaxing and talking, and just being ourselves.

We agreed that we need to go out for a night, spend the night under the stars and just hang out. I mentioned out towards Waco was good, but I have no idea where we'll go.

It's like everything is just piecing it's way together. I can see myself growing old with him, I can see us having a family and just being with eachother for the rest of our lives.

Everything is wonderful. I learn something new about him everyday. Like today, I went over after class, and his mom was home. She had made White Chocolate Macademia cookies. She is one amazing cook. She's so sweet and funny. They have a good relationship. Anyway, I learned all about his middle school and highschool years. He's always been smart. He aced the TAAS test, he probably got an amazing score on his SAT's. He wants to be a doctor.

He told me a couple weeks ago that I should know that he won't get married till he's 27, and he won't have kids till he's 30. That is fine with me. That gives us 3 1/2 years to be with eachother and work on our relationship, gives him the next 3 1/2 years to work towards his Bachelors in Pre-Med, and start going to Med School, and me to get a start on my theatre career. I can just see it working out, and I know the next 4 years will be hard (if we do end up staying together) but I'm willing to go for it. I'm ready for a real relationship, I'm ready to put all I'm worth into it, and if it's meant to be, I'm ready for that too.

I've never been happier. He makes me feel so special, and I've never been able to just be laying next to someone and say anything that comes to mind. I mean, night before last he asked me, out of the blue, what my family history is as far as health is concerned. I answered and said that my family has a lot of stuff, and I know most of them. Then he asked when the last time I had a check-up and I said last year, and then said I have an appointment next week for my 'well-woman' and he said 'good, let me know how it goes'. He's just so interested in my life. He's asking things that someone would ask someone that they are planning on being with forever. I don't know, it's just so amazing.

He's so warm, and safe, and funny, and smart, and beautiful, and just plain incredible.

I cannot explain any of it. All I know is this is good, and I want it to last for a long time.

~Love~